Trinity Baptist Church

 

A woman sits down on a bus next to an attractive man. She says to him, “You look like my sixth husband.’ He said, “SIXTH husband! How many husbands have you had?” She said, “Five.”

 

Like the man on the bus, Jesus met a woman who had been married and divorced five times and was currently sizing up her sixth prospect. I want to talk about their encounter today. This is not a lesson on divorce per se. Most of us already know that the divorce rate is too high. Many of us have either been divorced; have immediate family who are divorced or very close friends who are divorced. 

 

And most of us already know that divorce is not good. God says in Malachi 2:16 “I hate divorce”. I doubt anyone understands the reasons why God hates divorce better than those families who have experienced it. Under the piles of statistics are real people who have experienced real pain and heartache. When I mention the word “divorce” some of us may have tightened stomachs and maybe even wish we hadn't come today. 

 

As we talk about Jesus and the Divorcee this morning we want to avoid two extremes. We want to avoid the extreme of permissiveness. I don't want anyone to leave this morning with the idea that the preacher condones divorce and thinks it's no big deal or nothing serious. Nor do I want to move in the direction of harshness and judgmentalism. We always want to strike a balance between grace and truth and no one ever did that any better than Jesus. 

 

What is God's attitude toward those who have been divorced and remarried, maybe even more than once? What should our attitude be in the church? Where do the divorced fit in God's plan? I believe that the answers to those questions are revealed, at least to some extent, in Jesus' encounter with the divorced Samaritan woman in John chapter four. In the story of Jesus and the Divorcee I find three revelations regarding God's attitude toward the divorced. 

 

I. JESUS KNOWS THE DIVORCED vs. 16-19

 

On his way from Judea to Galilee Jesus stopped at a well in Samaria. His disciples had left to buy food so Jesus was by Himself when a woman came out to the well to draw water. Jesus initiated a conversation with her by asking for a drink and their talk soon turned to spiritual things. 

 

We pick up their conversation at verse 16. He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet.”

 

When Jesus asked the woman to go get her husband and return he already knew her situation. He knew that she had been divorced and remarried five times and that she was currently shacking up in her sixth relationship. If he already knew that, why did he ask the question? I would suggest two reasons. 

 

First, Jesus was tipping her off as to his identity. 

 

Only a prophet of God could have possibly known what he knew about her. And the revelation had its intended effect because she identified him as a prophet and later in the conversation hinted at her suspicions that he was, in fact, the messiah. But that was not the only reason. If all he wanted was to impress her with his omniscience he could have told her all kinds of things about her that no mere human could have known. Why did Jesus select such an embarrassing slice of her life about which to inquire? 

 

Example: There was an old TV show where they would surprise some celebrity with highlights of his past and with individuals who'd been a part of his life. They would speak offstage and folks would hear the nice things they would say, then the guest of honor would identify the voice and they would come out on stage. 

 

I'm trying to remember the name of that show...what was it...THIS IS YOUR LIFE. That's right. I'm sorry I couldn't remember because that show is so OLD and I am so YOUNG - I've only seen it on the HISTORY CHANNEL - so thank you for helping me out. 

 

They were much more tactful than Jesus on THIS IS YOUR LIFE. You never heard the off-stage voice say “He was cheap, stubborn and inconsiderate”...that's right George; it's your ex-wife Suzie. No, only the nice stories and the people who liked the guy were used.

 

So why does Jesus pursue this delicate line of questioning? I think Jesus brought it up because she was ALREADY thinking about it. Wouldn't you be?

 

There's a terrible new show on TV called The Moment of Truth where they hook contestants up to a lie-detector machine and ask them increasingly personal, compromising and embarrassing questions. In order to win the money they have to answer honestly. 

 

And worse, their own spouses, children, parents and close friends are in the audience listening, hanging on every word. The contestants have to wonder that if the real TRUTH about their lives; what they've done, what they've thought, what they are REALLY like; if the truth about them becomes known...will it alter the way their loved ones feel about them. Will they still be accepted? 

 

What if someone sat you in that chair and could ask any questions they wanted to and you had to answer truthfully, are there some past indiscretions that you might IMMEDIATELY begin to wonder about and pray were not uncovered? Are there ugly realities in our lives that we fear if they ever came to light, would alter people's feelings for us?

 

As this woman slowly began to comprehend that she was talking with a prophet, a living, breathing, lie-detector, I wonder if she became nervous and agitated. I wonder if her mind became preoccupied with her broken past and her current indiscretion. Perhaps she began to wonder if the prophet before her knew what kind of a person he was dealing with. And if he did, would he still want to have anything to do with her? 

Jesus didn't keep her in suspense for very long. His answer revealed that he knew everything about her life, including her five divorces. He wasn't surprised. He wasn't caught off guard. AND he wasn't LEAVING. Jesus cared about this woman and her failed marriages didn't change that one bit.

 

And Jesus knows us also. That's one of the characteristics that make him divine. It's called omniscience: all knowledge. It means he already knows. We'll never surprise God. We'll never catch him off guard. We'll never shock God. When I confess my sin I shouldn't picture God in heaven covering his mouth and saying “You did what?!” He knows exactly who he's dealing with and he still loves us anyway. Nothing we do is going to make God love us less.

 

Psalm 26 David must have written that one while still a very young shepherd without much experience. Listen to the tone of the Psalm..

Declare me innocent, O Lord, for I have acted with integrity; I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart. For I am always aware of your unfailing love, and I have lived according to your truth. I do not spend time with liars or go along with hypocrites...

 

There's nothing like a few years of real-world living to reality-check us into the realization that we don't need to justify ourselves to God, we need God to justify us. 

 

 

 

 

Later in life, after David had lusted, lied, schemed, fornicated and murdered, OLDER David wrote a Psalm that I can relate to a little more readily - Psalm 51:1-3ff “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” 

 

But, in both the early Psalm and the late Psalm, David is counting on God's “unfailing love.” God is the one person we don't ever need to pretend with. God knows what we have been through. He knows our pain. He knows how we struggled to keep it together. He knows the agony of a broken heart and a broken marriage. 

 

In fact, God knows what it's like to be divorced. Speaking of his spiritual bride Israel, God says in Jeremiah 3:8 “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.” God has personal experience with broken vows and the trauma of divorce.

 

God knows our weakness and our failure. He sees us as we are and the message here is that he didn't divorce you when you got divorced. He's not leaving, turning away or shunning us. Sometimes the divorced move away from God in their pain, but he does not move away from us. How do I know that? 

 

I know that because I see Jesus reaching out to this divorced woman trying to heal her broken life. The rest of his actions toward this woman must be interpreted in the context of his complete knowledge of her lifestyle.

 

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

 

By “living water” Jesus meant salvation. In essence Jesus says to this woman “If you knew who I am, and the right thing to ask me for, you would be asking me for the gift of salvation and I would give it to you.” Jesus offers her the gift of salvation and he does so knowing her marital history. Her divorces and remarriages did not disqualify her from receiving the grace and forgiveness of God. We must not let questions about divorce and remarriage rob us of the assurance of salvation.

 

Let's look at a scriptural cross-reference and try to answer some stick questions.

 

1) Is it wrong for two Christians to divorce? Generally, yes. We read in I Corinthians 7:10-11 “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband...and a husband must not divorce his wife.” It's wrong, therefore, for two Christians to divorce. It's a sin and should be viewed as such.

 

2) Is it the unpardonable sin for two Christians to divorce? No. That same passage also says “But if she does (divorce her husband), she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.” 

 

It's notable to me that Paul gives a command “A wife must not” and then follows it with a contingency plan “But if she does”. Why the contingency plan? 

It's recognition that in the messy real world that we live in these things happen. We don't always do what we're supposed to do. And the grace of God meets us where we are, not where we wish we were. 

 

There are SOME problems that can't be “fixed.” There are some consequences to our choices that can't be reversed. You can't put toothpaste back in the tube. God knows that and so there is a “but” at the end of his command. That is not a rationalization, not a defense or justification to divorce; it is an affirmation of the grace of God.

 

If we were to read all of I Corinthians chapter seven regarding Paul's advice on marriage we would find the following progression:

 

1) Stay single and celibate if you can. Don't get married at all because then you can devote yourself single-mindedly to serving God.

 

2) BUT, if you can't handle single and celibate then by all means get married.

 

3) BUT, if you do get married be sure to stay married and don't divorce.

 

4) BUT, if you do divorce stay single, don't remarry unless it is to reconcile with your spouse.

 

And that's the end of the “buts”. Okay, so what about Christians who haven't done that either? What about those who have divorced and remarried, maybe more than once, perhaps several times? Is that ideal? No. Will it keep us out of heaven? No. What makes you say so? Jesus and the divorcee make me say so.

Here was a woman who was divorced and remarried five times. As a Samaritan she was part of a Jewish sect that believed in and followed the first five books of the Old Testament. She was bound by the Law of Moses. She broke the rules, yet God's grace was sufficient for her. God is not arbitrary in the guidelines he gives us for family living. 

 

God gives us the rules for marriage, divorce and remarriage for our own good. They are for our happiness and fulfillment, our protection, not for our condemnation. There are consequences when Christians stray outside of God's guidelines for marriage, divorce and remarriage and they are all experienced in this life-time.

 

I AM DIVORCED by Doris Mae Golberg

I have lost my husband, but I am not supposed to mourn.

I have lost my children; they don't know to whom they belong.

I have lost my relatives; they do not approve.

I have lost his relatives; they blame me.

I have lost my friends; they don't know how to act.

I feel I have lost my church; do they think I have sinned too much?

I am afraid of the future, ashamed of the past, confused about the present.

I am so alone. I feel lost. 

God, please stay by me. You're all I have left.

 

God gave us family guidelines, not to send us to hell but to spare us from hell on earth. And again, no one knows that better than the families who've been there. Jesus saves the divorced. 

 

 

His offer to the Samaritan woman illustrates that no matter how many times it's happened, no matter who was to blame for what, no matter how many rules were broken – God's grace is sufficient to forgive and save.

 

 

“Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.”

 

Jesus' call to the divorced is two-fold:

 

First, he calls to worship. Jesus tells this woman that God is seeking people who will worship him in spirit and truth. He plants the seed in her heart that she can be one of those people. Her divorces do not change her potential to become a great worshipper of God. In fact, if we will yield to His hand, God can use such tragic circumstances in our past to mold and shape us into glorious worshippers of Him.

 

Psalm 51:16-17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.” 

 

Secondly, Jesus calls to ministry/service. He asked her to bring him a drink of water; simple service. And then this divorced woman became the greatest soul-winner ever to hit Samaria. She went into the town of Sychar, where the twelve disciples had just spent the day influencing exactly nobody. She urged the people to come see the man who knew all about her life and hinted that He might be the messiah. 

John says that many people came to faith on the basis of her testimony. 

 

Sometimes guilt over a broken marriage keeps Christian people from serving Jesus. What a waste of God-given gifts. What a loss to the Kingdom. Let's remember that sinners are the only servants Jesus has; Repentant, yes; Forgiven, yes;

 

But, sinners nevertheless. 

 

Ray Steadman was preaching at Pacific Bible College using the passage I Corinthians 6:9-11 “Don't you know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you we sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

 

Stedman said “How many of you in this auditorium came to the Lord out of those circumstances. Would you please stand to your feet?” It seemed like an eternity before an 86-year-old woman stood in the back. That broke the ice. One after another people stood until all over the auditorium people stood on their feet. A hard-living non-Christian was present who'd been invited by his friends. He looked at the verses and then at all the people standing and he said “Man, these are my kind of people!” 

 

A failed marriage does not disqualify us from service to Jesus. Sin does not disqualify us. 

 

The acknowledgement of our own sinfulness, our own brokenness, is the beginning of our usefulness to God.

 

A little river said, “I can become a big river.” It worked hard, but there was a big rock. The river said, “I'm going to get around this rock.” The little river pushed and pushed, and since it had a lot of strength, it got itself around the rock. 

 

Soon the river faced a big wall, and the river kept pushing this wall. Eventually, the river made a canyon and carved a way through. Then there was an enormous forest. The river said, “I'll go ahead anyway and just force these trees down.” And the river did. 

 

The river, now powerful, stood on the edge of a desert with the sun beating down. The river said, “I'm going to go through this desert.” But the hot sand soon began to soak up the whole river and soon had drained into the sand until it was only a small mud pool. 

 

Then the river heard a voice from above: “Just surrender. Let me lift you up. Let me take over.” The river said, “Here I am.” The sun then lifted up the river and made the river into a huge cloud. It carried the river right over the desert and let the cloud rain down to make the fields far away fruitful and rich.

 

There is a moment in our lives when we flow into the desert, dry and wasted. But there is the voice that comes from above to say, “Let go and surrender. Trust and give yourself to me. I will make you fruitful.” 

What counts in your life and mine is not success but fruit. The fruits of our lives we may not see ourselves. The fruits of our lives are often born in our pain, vulnerability and in our losses. The fruits come only after the plow has carved through our land. But if we surrender, God WILL make us fruitful.