The Characteristics of One Who Forgives

 

The Characteristics of One Who Forgives
Philemon 4-7
 
Turn in your Bible to Philemon. This evening our text is verses 4 through 7. We are in a four-part series entitled "A lesson in forgiveness." And this morning is part two. Let me read you verses 4 through 7 as the setting for our message.
 
Verses 4-7
 
We live obviously in a society that knows little or cares very little about forgiveness. In fact I would think that one of the major contributors, if not THE major contributor, to the destruction of relationships in our culture is the absence of forgiveness. Our culture pushes us to be unforgiving. It celebrates and exalts people who are not willing to forgive. We make heroes out of the Dirty Harrys and the Rambos who murder people out of vengeance.
 
And as a result our society has a lack of any kind of Christian social restraint in our culture. We are filled with bitterness, vengeance, anger, hate, hostility toward others. That’s true, even in the church.
 
But for a Christian, a failure to forgive is unthinkable. I don't care what the issue is, I don't care what the offense is, a failure to forgive is a blatant open act of disobedience. We have been told as explicitly as we could possibly be told that if anybody offends us we are to forgive them. How many times? Seventy times seven, or that is an endless number of times. And that the reason we are to forgive is because our Father in heaven has forgiven us and will continue to forgive us as we are faithful to forgive others.
Now because it is so essential the Holy Spirit has devoted one entire book of the Bible to forgiveness. Not a very long book, but one book, the book of Philemon. Here in this little book of just 25 verses is the spiritual duty to forgive emphasized, not in principle form, not in parable form, not in word picture form but in a personal true story.
 
Now you remember the story, don't you? A man named Philemon lived in Colossae. He was married to a lady named Apphia and they had a son, Archippus, who was in the Christian ministry. They had a house. He must have been a fairly wealthy man. And in his house the church met.
 
They had a slave. The slave was named Onesimus. Even though Philemon was a good master Onesimus wanted his freedom so one day he ran away. His master had paid a very high price for him. This was fraud. Not only that, he stole some things from his master and took them with him. And so he had committed a felony criminal offense for which imprisonment or even death could be the just sentence.
 
Onesimus ran from the little tiny town of Colossae to get lost in the massive humanity in the city of Rome. Thinking he could hide in the underground of Rome as another of the faceless runaways, the homeless street people who occupied the back alleys of that great city, but it wasn't long, we don't know exactly how long until this runaway slave came face to face with the very formidable man by the name of Paul.
 
So here is the runaway slave Onesimus, he is confronted by Paul. Paul has the privilege of leading him to Jesus Christ. He becomes a Christian.
Paul, of course, then finds out that Onesimus is from his friend Philemon, that he belongs there, that he is runaway. And even though Onesimus is a Christian and helpful to Paul, Paul knows he has to send him back.
 
And so he sends Onesimus back to Philemon with this letter explaining what has happened. And in the letter he is saying I want you to forgive this runaway slave. Society says don't forgive him, society says press charges against him and imprison him, society says make him pay back every dime he stole and then waste it in Rome, society says put on him the stigma of fugitivus, the runaway slave, and brand his forehead with a big "F" so the rest of his life he is scarred as a runaway slave, not trustworthy. But Paul says just forgive him...just forgive him. No matter how much it costs you, you forgive him.
 
So the plea of this letter is a plea for forgiveness. Now as the letter unfolds it becomes apparent that Paul is asking Philemon to forgive a man who is repentant. Onesimus has done his part, he is repentant. He is coming back, as it were, hat in hand asking for forgiveness. God has done the right work in his heart and now it is the turn of Philemon.
 
Now last week we looked at the first three verses which was the introduction and I kind of laid out the importance of the story.
 
This evening we're looking at verses 4 to 7, the second section which gives us the spiritual character of one who forgives. In verses 8 to 18, we’ll see the spiritual action of one who forgives. Then in verses 19 to 25, we find the spiritual motivation of one who forgives.
So we learn a lot about a forgiver here. We learn how to be a forgiver. We learn the principles of forgiveness and that is the intention of the Holy Spirit in writing this wonderful letter.
 
So, verses 4-7, the spiritual action of one who forgives:
 
Now, just a word of caution: As you read these verses you're not going to necessarily hear Paul say, “Here is the character. . .” It’s not the plain; however, the character comes out in the writing. It’s more implied than stated. 
 
In this section Paul refers to Philemon in very very glowing terms. He commends him from verse 4 through 7 on his Christian character. And as he does that he is describing the kind of man who will be a forgiver. This is the spiritual character of a man who will be a forgiver.
 
So in effect he's saying...Philemon, I know you're the kind of man that I can trust to forgive Onesimus. He's really setting him up by reminding him of his own character. He is actually praising him, appealing to the human need for recognition as an encouragement in the faith. 
 
If someone comes to you and says, "I want to tell you, I look at your life and I just thank God that you're a godly, virtuous, holy Christian." Believe me, that's food that nurtures virtue. And at the same time, that's an antidote against sin. Because if you know people see you that way and believe you're that way, that accelerates your desire for virtue and your desire to stay away from vice.
 
And so, Paul speaks of the great virtue of the character of Philemon as the foundation for his appeal to forgive. I know you have the kind of character that will forgive. And by the way, how did he know this about Philemon? 
 
Well, they were personal friends and acquaintances. In fact, in verse 1 he calls Philemon "our beloved." So they worked together. They loved each other. I told you last week Paul had led Philemon to Christ. He knew about the man.
 
Furthermore, the church at Colossae met in his house so a lot of Christians knew about him. One of those Christians was the leader of the church at Colossae, a man by the name of Epaphras and Epaphras, according to verse 23 of Philemon, was with Paul in Rome.
 
So whatever Paul knew about him, Epaphras could have enhanced because Epaphras was the leader of the church in Philemon's house. And then there was Onesimus, the runaway slave, he must have affirmed all of this. And so Paul had good knowledge of the man's virtue.
 
Now as we look at these verses, verses 4 and following, we're going to see the kind of person who forgives. What kind of person has the capacity to forgive?
 
Let's look at verse 4 and start there. "I thank my God always making mention of you in my prayers."
 
He says every time I pray about you it is with thanksgiving. 
Always when you come up in my prayers I express my thanks. I don't have anything else to say to God other than thank You for Philemon. I don't know any negatives about you. Everything I've ever heard about you and everything I've ever experienced with you is good.
 
Furthermore, verse 5, "Because I hear..." Literally, I continue to hear. The word keeps coming to me, Philemon, about you that makes me pray for you and in my prayers I just say thanks.
 
What a wonderful statement. All the news about you, Philemon, is good. There's nothing in this letter to correct Philemon. There's nothing in this letter to suggest that he was out of line. There's nothing to suggest that he had an error in his theology; that something wasn't right in his home, something wasn't right in his marriage. I mean, everything just was as it should be in this man's life. So he says everything I know about you makes me say thanks to God for you.
 
And what did he hear? And what did he know about him? He had
 
1. A Concern for the Lord
 
verse 5
 
Notice the phrase, “the love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and all the saints."
 
In the Greek language, this is what they call a chiastic arrangement. What that means is that the words and the thoughts in the verse are arranged in a crisscross fashion.
So the first expression...I hear of your love...goes with the last expression. And the second expression of faith goes with the first expression toward our Lord Jesus. So you have to look at it as a crisscross, that's chiastic in the Greek language.
 
So when he says faith, he's talking about the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus. So the first thing he mentions is his faith in the Lord. 
 
You have a concern for the Lord. I know I can come to you, Philemon, and ask you to forgive because you are concerned about the Lord and the things of God.  You have been forgiven so you can forgive. You have the impulses of the new life. You have the prompting of the indwelling Holy Spirit. You experience the conviction of the Word of God. You are a true believer and a true believer desires to do what is right and what honors the Lord and so I can appeal to you to forgive because you're concerned about the Lord.
 
In essence, he is saying, “You are a faithful true genuine believer”, and it is the nature of a believer to forgive.
 
So the first characteristic of a forgiver is he's a Christian. He has a concern for the Lord.
 
Second, a forgiving person also has
 
2. A Concern for People
 
Verse 5 “love toward all the saints."
 
 
This is agape love, this is love of choice, love of the will, love of self-sacrifice, love of humility, this is the love that says I don't care about myself, I care about you. This is the love that says I'll make any sacrifice to meet your need. This is the love that says it's not emotion with me, it's obedience.
 
I'm not compelled to serve you because there's something about you that's attractive, I'm compelled to serve you because there's something about the power of God within me that moves me that way.
 
In other words, since you're a Christian, you have a capacity to love and I’ve heard about it. You have the love of God shed abroad in your heart. You've been taught by God to love. You've been given the capacity. It's there. It's the love of the Spirit that's in you.
 
And so, he says to Philemon, I know you can be a forgiver. Why? Your faith is real so you have a concern for the Lord. Your love is real so you have a concern for the people.
 
Thirdly, one who is a forgiver has
 
3. A Concern for Fellowship
 
Verse 6
 
Now here he adds another concept. He is saying you have true saving faith, you have true spiritual love and you have a desire for fellowship. Your faith pursues fellowship. He calls it the fellowship of your faith. And he says I'm hoping that the fellowship of your faith may become effective; literally that’s the word powerful.
I know you care about the fellowship. Now that's true of Christians. If you're a Christian you care about the fellowship. You care about the body of Christ.
 
And the essence of what he's saying is, "I want to forgive you because I don't want chaos in the fellowship, I want harmony, I want peace, I want unity." There's no individualism that says I really don't care about you, I'm going to take what I want and I'm going to ask what I want and I'm going to give only what I want and I'll do things my way because I'm the one that I care about.
 
A Christian doesn't say that. A Christian says I care about the fellowship, I care about you, I care about our unity, I care about our ministry, I care about our mutual sharing.
 
The word fellowship is a hard word to translate. It most often is translated fellowship but when we talk about fellowship we usually mean enjoying somebody's company. We say we had fellowship together, we mean we just had fun or we talked, or we had a little bit of time together and shared Doritos and Dr. Pepper. 
 
But that's not what we're talking about here. What we're talking about here is belonging, that's the word that I like best, belonging. You belong to somebody else and somebody else belongs to you in a mutual partnership. So he says I know that your faith is concerned with how important is this mutual belonging.
 
And what's his implication here? Well, Onesimus is coming back.
You know now that Onesimus from reading this letter is a Christian. And that makes him in the fellowship and he belongs to you now not only as a slave but as a brother in Christ and you belong to him not only as a master but as a brother in Christ and I know you care about the belonging. That's the idea.
 
And so he says I want your fellowship, the fellowship of your faith to become effective, to have a powerful impact. And what he's saying is if you forgive this guy it's going to have a powerful impact because this was a serious felony for which the slave could lose his life and if you just flat forgive the guy that's going to send a strong message to the church about the priority of belonging. This man now belongs to me not as my slave but as my brother and my brother needs forgiveness.
 
So, a person with true saving faith is concerned about the Lord. A person who has had the love of God shed abroad in his heart is concerned about other people and cares about the fellowship. 
 
Then fourth, he has
 
4. A Concern for Knowledge
 
verse 6
 
Now let me ask you a question. When you became a Christian did God put good things in you? Yes, you've been blessed with...what?...all spiritual blessings in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus. Do you know you have a new creation in you? Do you know there are a lot of good things in you? Many good things.
And he says to Philemon, "Philemon, I want you to have the knowledge of every good thing in you." So how do I learn them? How do I know about the good things that are in me? Do I read about them in a book? No. The word for knowledge is not just knowing, but deep knowledge, rich knowledge, full knowledge, listen to this, experiential knowledge. It's the knowledge through personal acquaintance with truth. It's the knowledge that comes through experience.
 
Now listen to what he's saying to him. He's saying, "Philemon, if you forgive this guy, you're going to immediately experience the good thing in you called forgiveness. You could read about forgiveness in a book, but you wouldn't really know it because you haven't experienced it. You could hear somebody preach about forgiveness and how wonderful it is and how blessed it is, but you really wouldn't know it until you did it.
 
You know how to get the knowledge of the good things that are in you? Exercise them. You find out the tremendous goodness of what God has placed within you when you walk in obedience to the will of God and you do things and you see and experience those things in your own life. God has given you the capacity to forgive. Forgive somebody and experience it." That's what he's saying. Once you do it, Philemon, you're going to experience the forgiveness.
 
So, the person who can forgive is concerned about the Lord. He's concerned about people. He's concerned about fellowship and he's concerned about knowledge.
 
Then there's a fifth component, I think, in the character of someone who forgives and that is
 
5. A Concern for Glory
 
At the end of verse 6 is this little phrase, "in Christ Jesus.” KJV says, “For Christ's sake." Actually in the Greek it says, "Unto Christ."
 
In other words, he is saying, "Philemon, I know you have fellowship as a priority, I want it to be powerful. I know you're concerned about knowledge and I want it to be the knowledge of every good thing that is in you and I know you want all of this for the “glory of God".
 
You do it unto Him, as unto Him. The Christian life with all its deeds, with all its joys, with all its works, with all its responsibilities is for the glory of Christ, it's for Christ's sake, it's for Christ's name, it's for Christ's praise, Christ's glory. And frankly, if you're devoted to that you're going to forgive.
 
I can't say in one breath I want to do all to the glory of Christ but don't think I'll forgive you. You can't say that. Be honest. What you have to say is I'm not going to forgive you so, Christ, I'm not interested in Your glory, I'm interested in my vengeance. That's what you're saying.
 
Because if you want to honor Christ then you'll forgive as He forgave you. If you want to honor Christ you'll obey what He told you to do. Surely Philemon was concerned to glorify Christ. Surely he would do it unto Christ or for Christ's sake.
 
The one who forgives then is marked by a concern for the Lord, a concern for people, a concern for fellowship, a concern for deep experiential knowledge and a concern for the glory of his Lord.
 
There's one last note. The person who forgives is characterized by
 
6. A Concern to be a Blessing.
 
verse 7
 
This man had a reputation for love. And Paul says your love has brought me joy and comfort. That's what he says. Not just joy and comfort, much joy and comfort. I have come to the point where you have given me reason to rejoice. I have come to the point where you have encouraged my heart by your love.
 
In what way? Verse 7, again the middle of the verse, "Because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother." What a statement.
 
He says people in trouble, people with feelings, people suffering and hurting and struggling have found you to be a blessing, you refreshed them. It's a military term used for an army that takes a march, stops and rests. You bring people rest. You're a peacemaker. You renew people. Your care and your service and your refreshing heart brings solace to troubled folks.
 
Nothing indicates that he was an elder in the church. Nothing indicates that he was a deacon in the church. Nothing indicates that he was a teacher in the church.
Obviously he was some kind of business man. He was not a calculated diplomat. He was just a man of instinctive kindness. He was a blessing to everybody. That kind of person will forgive.
 
I don't want to bring trouble in your life, I don't want to make unrest, I don't want to bring disturbance, I want to bring rest.
 
Listen, those are the kind of people that bring me joy. There are some people, when they walk in a room, it just sucks the joy out. You know what I mean? 
 
But there are others who just light up a room by their presence. They are like a cold drink of water on a hot day. Like the fragrance of a flower at the dump. There are those who just refresh you all the time because they resolve everything, because they bring peace to everything, because they exercise wise direction and leadership, because they serve and care and minister and because they just bless everybody. Those are the kind of people who are going to forgive because all they want to be is a blessing.
 
Well, Philemon by now is got to be saying to himself, "Boy, I'm quite something. Wow." And that's exactly what Paul hopes he's saying because in verse 8 he's going to hit him between the eyes with what he needs to do. And now he's going to feel so good about what a wonderful man he is he's going to have to do or he won't live up to his press releases.
 
 
 
Anybody who loves the Lord Jesus Christ, anybody who loves the saints, anybody who loves the fellowship, anybody who loves true knowledge, anybody who loves the glory of Christ, anybody who loves to be a blessing is going to be a forgiver. That's the character of the kind of people who forgive. And so Paul establishes that character as the character of Philemon. And then as we shall see next Sunday, asks him to forgive.
 
It makes sense that these would be the characteristics of one who would forgive because these are the characteristics of Christ. It’s what He did for you. 
 
His concern for the God, led Him to leave heaven
His concern for People, led him to the cross
His concern for fellowship led Him to earth
His concern for knowledge led Him to reveal Himself to us
His concern for glorifying God led Him to Obedience
His concern to be a blessing led Him to you
 
If God can do that for us, can't we do that for each other?